A woman has divided opinion after discovering that a man she is dating earns much less than her, leading some of her friends to say the relationship would never work.
The anonymous mother took to the UK parenting forum Mumsnet, where she revealed that the pay gap doesn’t bother her, but said she was worried it could create “logistical problems” in the future.
In her post, she wrote, “I just started a relationship with a guy and it turns out I earn 10 times what he earns.
“Now I should start by saying that in theory this doesn’t bother me AT ALL. I come from a very working class tribe.
‘We grew up on a municipal estate. Both my brothers still live there with their families. I was just lucky enough to be studious and got on a good path.
A woman who earns 10 times more than a man she’s dating has asked people for their opinion on whether the relationship could work (stock image)
“I’ve been divorced for 10 years and all the men I’ve dated have made less than me and it’s never really been a problem.
“However, this is the first time the gap has been this wide.”
She added that the man “still insists on paying for everything” when they date, and that he is quite old-fashioned and more generous than anyone she has dated.
Her post continued, “Excluding salary, we have tons in common.
“We both have three children around the same age, both have similar long-term dreams and interests, and get along very well.
“A few of my friends have insisted it could never work. The concern is how it might work logistically in the long run.
‘I have a very nice lifestyle (all self-funded) and while I don’t like designer brands or fancy restaurants, I like to travel to nice places, or to enjoy some of the things that a higher salary allows, such as in a being able to hop home in a taxi instead of taking public transport, things like that.’
The woman said that while she “loves” his insistence on paying, she feels guilty because it will put a lot more strain on him than it will on her.
She captioned the post, “So unsure what to do. I don’t care how much a man earns. He is a hard worker, a great person and a great father.
The anonymous woman took to UK parenting forum Mumsnet to seek advice on her situation
‘I can see that there may be logistical problems in the future and I’m not sure what to do about it.’
In a later message, she added, “He does have assets. He actually has a nice house. He’s owned it for a long time.
(He has kids who are) in their teens and seem pretty happy (I haven’t met them, but he tells me a lot about them).
“I haven’t asked too much about how he’s doing (on his small salary) because I don’t want to make him uncomfortable.”
Numerous posters believed that the huge disparity in earnings could become a problem in the future.
Several forum users believed that the huge pay gap between the couple could eventually cause problems, and could prove insurmountable
One of them wrote, “Hmmmm…I dated someone who made at least 50% less than me, I didn’t feel like doing more to make more.
“He was nice and it was fun while it lasted, but I quickly realized that I would either have to make sacrifices and not do what I wanted or always pay the lion’s share — in terms of vacations, activities, dates etc. I was not comfortable with either option and knew I would resent him for this.
‘What do you think of him? Can you see yourself getting married and he half if it doesn’t work out?’
Another agreed, writing, “It’s nice that he pays and he sounds nice, but think about the long haul.” You are planning a vacation and you want to travel 5** stars for three weeks, but his budget is 3 stars Europe for a week.
‘What are you doing? Do you subsidize him? What if he says no, you get used to substandard vacations.
What if he says yes? Are you happy to subsidize him?
“Are you happy to pay more of the family income if you move in together, it could work, but you’re more likely to end up sacrificing in some way and resenting it.”
And a third added, “Perhaps my opinion has been distorted by a lifetime of relationships with low-income, low-ambition men who seemed nice at first, but who eventually take the p*** and wring me dry financially. Maybe he’s sweet. But be careful.’
A number of respondents felt that the money issue should not be a problem as long as the couple gets along well
However, some other posters felt that money isn’t everything, and that if she likes the guy, she should keep seeing him.
One of them wrote: ‘I would, in your position. Money shouldn’t dictate everything. I would much rather take the bus with a man I love than go home alone in a taxi.
You may have to make some adjustments and compromises, but that’s true in any relationship. And he’ll have to learn to let you treat him.’
Another added: “Money is just money. If you like him for him, that’s what this is all about, isn’t it?’
And a third said: ‘This is probably biased by the fact that I’m not a big earner, but this sounds completely crazy to me.
“There are literally no red flags about this guy, I can’t figure out what the problem is. He is solvent, a homeowner, pays his way (and yours), has a great relationship with his kids and has a lot in common with you and is respectful.
“Any problems are currently fictional.”