Amazon Studios
You may not believe it when you see my youthful glow, but I’m old enough to remember when the only choices for gay movies were indie lesbian rom-coms, violent tragedies, or softcore porn. What a tough decision: the horrific brutality of Boys Don’t Cry or conversation therapy melodrama and sculpted muscles in Latter Days. Who’s bringing the popcorn? Over the last couple of decades, the problem with gay films has been remedied…slightly; there are certainly more of them, and many that don’t hinge their entire stories on lowbrow, tear-jerking trauma. But none of these movies can let themselves just be, well, movies.
Queer films always have to make some sort of grand statement about their existence. Love, Simon was the first gay studio rom-com for teens; Weekend was all about the singularity of the queer dating and hookup culture; Bros was eager to be the first straightforward rom-com where characters just happened to be gay (despite the movie’s promotional cycle reiterating that importance endlessly). Even gay holiday movies are desperate to be lauded for their willingness to let two people of the same gender kiss in front of a fake tree from Lowe’s. Don’t get me wrong, those things are significant and I devour them with glee. But sometimes, I wish I could watch a gay movie that is unconcerned with its own manufactured notability, a movie satisfied with its central queer characters having no substance at all.
I’m ecstatic to report that the day has finally come: Red, White & Royal Blue is a movie content with being absolutely nothing. With this film—which premieres on Prime Video Aug. 11 and was adapted from Casey McQuiston’s bestselling 2019 novel—queer cinema may finally be level with its heteronormative counterparts. At last, we gay people are allowed to be boring, have absolutely no chemistry with our romantic co-leads, and exist as walking archetypes. Red, White & Royal Blue throws the desire to be special or come first out the window. Now, gays can just be cockamamie and utterly vacuous. Equality is here!