I sailed on a new ultra-luxury cruise ship for wealthy travelers. I can never go back to a normal one.

But after Regent invited me to sail on its new Seven Seas Grandeur, I realized my problem: I just hadn’t experienced an ultra-luxury ship yet.

Picture free-flowing champagne, caviar at every dinner, and cabins that could rival a five-star hotel.

Before this, I feared traveling on small cruise ships — I assumed there would be a lack of amenities.

Unlike most mass-market family friendly cruises, there were no loud water slides, busy arcades, or amenities designed for children.

Instead, the ship’s quiet nooks, upscale ambiance, and attentive service made me feel at ease.

But peaceful doesn’t mean boring. To keep the interior from feeling too dull, the neutral walls were decorated with an extensive art collection — worth $6 million, Regent Seven Seas touts. This includes several original Pablo Picasso pieces and a custom — but shockingly small — Fabergé egg.

Meanwhile, Royal Caribbean rolled back its unlimited “lobster night” in 2022.

No need to pull out your wallet unless you want more expensive wines or excursions. Flights to and from the ship, other excursions, drinks, and food are all included in the fare.

Besides the less-than-mediocre sashimi platter, the food aboard the Grandeur was the best I’ve had on a ship.

Remember the Picassos? Three of them were hung up in the steakhouse, Prime 7.

In the largest dining room, Compass Rose, every diner had two Versace plates and a customizable menu that let guests pair proteins and pasta with various sauces and sides.

The Versace plates were admittedly over the top — the larger of the two were just for show, removed before the food came.

And at Pan-Asian Pacific Rim, I gnawed on soft-shell crabs fried to crispy perfection and glutinous char siu-inspired ribs.

During the one-day Italian-themed afternoon buffet, diners were greeted with raw oysters, various focaccias, and fresh tuna.

But I’m not complaining — it was the best cruise meals I’ve had so far.

Unlike most ships, alcohol wasn’t the main attraction. Instead, bars served as a backdrop to venues like the lounges, pool deck, and even the coffee shop.

Instead of a typical grab-and-go coffee counter, patrons seated themselves at the surrounding tables. Waiters then came to take their coffee and espresso orders.

Rows of lounge chairs, many shaded or located on the upper deck, surrounded this small pool deck. Again, instead of ordering at the bar, waiters approached sunbathing guests for their drink orders, this time boozier.

While this could have been a product of my non-revenue sailing, it made this open-air space a peaceful destination.

At night, some of these lounges adopted a club-like atmosphere.

Like other premium cruises, there was an afternoon tea service with desserts and sandwiches. It was one of the only activities I felt compelled to attend.

As expected, “Marauders’ Ball” — a song-and-dance performance that covered popular hit songs — was a hard watch. While the costume designs were fun, the plot was confusing and the songs were predictable and cheesy.

Access to spa amenities like the humid aromatherapy room, beverages in the cabin, and laundry were included in the fare.

My 322-square-foot concierge suite — which had an additional 83- to 132-square-foot balcony — was so large, I had no idea what to do with the extra space.

For what it’s worth, I never thought I’d be complaining about a walk-in closet in my cruise stateroom.

But at a steep 2024 starting price of $5,455 per person for a seven-night cruise, wouldn’t you want your concierge cabin to be faultless?

The balcony was unnecessarily spacious, the espresso machine was stocked with Illy coffees, and the marble-detailed bathroom had both a walk-in shower and a bathtub.

If you regularly sail on premium cruise ships, you’re probably already used to the free bottle of booze.

Many new giant cruise ships have fun amenities like rock climbing walls, exhilarating slides, and even virtual reality arcades. While they’re obviously designed for children, I’ll admit I enjoy these onboard activities — they help pass the time.

I couldn’t kill a few hours here like I could in an arcade.

And now that I’ve had a taste of what a true luxury cruise is like, it’ll be hard to go back to the other ships. How will I ever survive a vacation without endless truffle and foie gras again?

And a quiet afternoon just seems more palatable when you’re spending it in the complimentary sauna.

While these costs do include flights, almost $600 per person per night may seem unreasonable to most cruisers.

If you’re someone who loves great views of the ocean, bottomless caviar tins, unlimited wines, and a peaceful ambiance, you’d probably love the Grandeur.

The wealthy sure know how to cruise in style.

Even if you don’t like the ship, at least excursions are included in the fare. The Grandeur will spend 2024 sailing around the Mediterranean and Caribbean.