Could diary sex twice a week revitalize your marriage?

While reading my diary, I see vet appointments and parents’ evenings, work evaluations and dental visits. and the lyrics “Sex with Liam”.

Liam is the man I’ve been married to for 18 years, and in many ways, we’re a totally normal couple.

He is 43 years old and works in the construction industry. I’m 44 and work part time for a travel agent and part time for a local charity, we have three kids ages 15,9 and 8.

And perhaps unsurprisingly, since we’ve been together for nearly two decades, our sex lives have hit a rocky patch.

A recent YouGov study reported that the average Mr. and Mrs. forty have sex once a week. Liam and I do this once or twice a month – if that.

That’s why we decided to take part in a radical experiment designed to boost intimacy, revive our faltering sex lives, and hopefully form new habits for the long haul.

We’ll schedule sex. It was Mariela Frostrop writing for this paper who gave us the idea.

Echoing a recent University of York study — which surveyed more than 100 couples and found no difference in satisfaction between spontaneous and scheduled sex over a three-week period — she admitted that she and her husband had long found setting a time and date for sex. The best way to keep the spark alive.

She said, “True love changes shape and form over the years together, sometimes needing a helping hand to get it back on track, while romantic love, left to its own devices, fades away and leaves us empty-handed.”

I can really relate to that. And while it may seem like scheduling sex is a somewhat distressing last resort for couples whose relationship is on the brink, experts actually recommend it as a key strategy for maintaining a happy, long-term relationship.

So, we’re allocating a three-week period in our diary, during which we’ll book a total of six mandatory sex sessions—that’s twice a week.

When Liam and I first got together, our sex drives were evenly matched, and we’d do it at least four times a week.

in this time? He’s not shy about jumping into bed at any time of the day or night — but I can take it or leave it.

I’ve pushed sex down my priority list because there’s always something more urgent to do at home, at work, or with the kids.

For 99 percent of the time, my brain is simply not in that zone. It’s hard to turn it on when you’re busy loading the washing machine or you remember to get something out of the freezer.

However, I don’t want my sex life to be like this. I want the closeness that sex brings, and I want it more often than our current hunger rations.

I know enjoying this aspect of our relationship will strengthen my marriage like we used to.

Part of the struggle, of course, is mental, especially for women. To desire sex, I must see myself as a sexually desirable object.

But right now, I’m not sure how I look at all. When I look in the mirror I see crow’s feet and frown lines, not to mention the 20 pounds I have to lose.

When it comes to style, I’ve been in a rut for ages, and I feel like my look is old and worn out. I need to address this low sense of self-esteem – and hope that regular sex will fix the problem.

As a prep, I reorganize my underwear drawer and take myself in for a waxing session.

I want Kelly to find the sexually desirable woman — and so, frankly, Liam does.

Then, a little awkwardly – it feels so weird! – We sit down together and look at our work schedule and family calendar and start filling in the times we can do.

We choose every Tuesday and Friday. It feels strangely like a contract, as if we should get rid of it. But we are now committed. Let the unspontaneous fun begin…

Tuesday, March 7, 8 p.m

In the days leading up to our first scheduled session, I feel like I’m going into it blindly.

I still worry about how I’ll be in the mood. In the diary it was 8pm – I’m afraid I’ll be half asleep if we left it later – but we have to be very organized to make it happen.

The evening turns into a military operation. Liam takes our middle child to the 6pm soccer ball while I feed the others, do their homework, run the bathrooms and set ever tighter screen time limits. Our teenage son goes to his bedroom to review and play some games.

Prior to this experiment, when the little ones were just getting to bed, I would usually catch up on household chores and hit up an online grocery store. But not tonight.

When we are finally alone, we have a nice bath with scented candles and some soft music. Then we go to bed.

Since I’m the one behind schedule, I started having sex the first night.

what can i say It is a nice. Although I worried about having to perform at a specific time, the fact that I knew this moment was coming meant that I found myself fantasizing about our sexual encounter all day long, rather than getting distracted by other dull things.

The anticipation of our planned rendezvous seemed to warm me up before we even started.

In fact, things are going so well that the next morning we have an extra unscheduled session.

Friday, March 10, 6 p.m

Disastrous evening. Our scheduled sex session almost goes by the wayside and it’s not because we want to try! We planned this evening on the basis that the kids often stay at their gran’s house on Fridays, but tonight it turned out that she was going out and couldn’t pick them up.

This means the kids are home at 4 p.m., two hours before their window for sex.

When the time came, with the eldest headed to the gym and the two youngest busy in the living room playing on their VR headsets, we decided our best bet was the bathroom, the only room in the house that had a lock.

Just as we are in the thick of things, one of the kids wants a bath. We stop – which is a bit difficult for Houssem – and go to the bedroom instead.

If anything, it’s worse. Our rescue dog, Pablo, usually sleeps with us in the bedroom and now he’s circling outside the door, scratching and coming in.

Now, I don’t really feel like it, but we persevere anyway. “We said we’d do it, so let’s do it,” I whispered through gritted teeth. Not sexy.

Tuesday, March 14, 5 a.m

Another unexpected experience. The day before, I tested positive for covid. I feel fine, but should we refrain?

This time, in the morning, the chosen one because the rest of the house is asleep, we feel better about ourselves. Unconstrained by the demands of the day, and while the kids (and the Pug) are asleep, we can at least do so in peace. which we do.

We snuggle afterward, which is an unexpected benefit, too. Having scheduled sex means there is a new air of connection and anticipation for everything we do together. We’re definitely more cuddly even on non-sexual nights and more intimate outside of the bedroom, too.

I began to realize that our relationship was in danger of declining from friendship. We never stopped loving each other, but we did stop relating to each other as sexual beings.

Defining the moment means putting myself first, too. I take the time to do my hair and put on matching underwear. I also spend extra time soaking in the shower and spend more time on my makeup routine, trying out some new eye shadow colors. I started getting up early and switching between yoga and running.

Liam surprises me by telling me he’s starting to notice a change in me; He says I am starting to be more assertive in bed. In fact, for me, the changes are just as important outside of the bedroom. Setting aside non-negotiable time slots has made me more aware of my time—and finding time for myself—in general.

Friday, March 17 Set time: 8 p.m. Actual time: 5 a.m

We plan to have sex for the evening but get ahead of ourselves in case things don’t go as planned, and again we do it first.

Strictly speaking, this is more spontaneous than planned, of course, although the date is correct.

I’m beginning to realize that even though we thought 8 p.m. would be a good time for us—late enough that the kids were in their rooms, early enough that I wouldn’t be completely exhausted—in reality, we’re still so caught up in the stresses of the day that it’s almost impossible to Switch to the right mood.

By contrast, having sex in the morning is a great start to the day — and the benefits last into the evening, too.

To my surprise, after dinner, I leave Liam and the kids with him and take myself for a jog.

Tuesday, March 21 Set time: 8 p.m. Actual time: 3 p.m

Liam unexpectedly comes home early from work, and yes, we totally take advantage of the opportunity to do this before school.

We know right away that it has to be fast – it was a bit of a challenging experience for Anneka, but it was more exciting for her. This is a very strange feeling for us. Before, I’d put myself out of it, telling myself there wasn’t a time, I wasn’t feeling sexy or I wasn’t wearing the right underwear.

But this experience teaches me that you can never take yourself too seriously. Life is always a little crazy with three kids and two parents working full time, but nothing — not work or bills or pets or kids — really gets in the way of having sex if you’re ready to put in the effort. I notice that Liam is in a better mood. He says me too.

Friday, March 24th, 6 p.m

With my mother actually picking up the kids from school to spend the night at her house, Liam and I spent the day in London together, then went home for a romantic dinner. As we walk through the front door, I have butterflies in my stomach, just like I did when we first dated. We are both in a good mood!

Before, we never had a day like this together. Maybe you went shopping Liam maybe went to the pub with his friends. However, in the past weeks, we have consciously planned our lives around those intimate moments together. And our sex life is fully activated.

In fact, this week, in addition to two scheduled sessions, we’re having sex twice as often on demand!

Regular, loving sex is a huge part of our routine now; We just needed that nudge to get things back on track. I know it’s April, but I’ve bought myself a new – and bigger – diary.