In the span of a few years, I watched Celine’s father die on a stretcher, my mother died, my mother-in-law died, my father died; last month i had to put down my 19 year old cat. Last Friday, I agreed to divorce the love of my life, and later that day, my brother died.
‘I felt, I feel, erased. Grant was my confidant, my champion, my friend, my advocate, my brother and only brother. Grant knew things that happened to me when he was gay in KS. We had a complete education in the injustice of our educational parents. Grant majored in political science.
‘I taught summer school at KCMO in ’95 so I could pay for a flight to Buenos Aires to be w Grant while he worked on his senior thesis on the relationship between soccer and voting.
His laptop was stolen; It would not be the last time. I went to Ankara to teach, then I went to Princeton for Grant’s graduation. He wanted to show me everything; he still talked like an amazed child. I was full of admiration for him.
‘He had gotten an internship at the Miami Herald, and our grandmother got him this little car that he loaded up and drove from KS to FL; her laptop was stolen again in Miami; this time, they also picked up his back issues of The New Yorker, which he found almost amusing.
‘When Grant signed with SI (Sports Illustrated), I’ve never heard him so overcome with emotion. Grant had wanted to write for SI since grade school, even writing a letter to the magazine and then saying something to the effect of, “My name is Grant Wahl and I want to write for you.” He got a “nice and thank you” response, but the fact that he received a response stuck with him.
‘It had an impact. Coming from where we did it, you just can’t imagine what that gesture meant to him. And Grant made an effort to act in kind whenever he could from SI and after. I think it was sometimes easy for people from more comfortable backgrounds to take Grant’s seriousness as an angle or a ploy until they inevitably discovered that they were getting the real Grant.
This is not to say that they never bothered. If he was ever one of Grant’s editors, you’ll know that he was a keen advocate of his own word choices and story ideas, among other things. And if Grant thought he was right about something, he “he was right.” Unless he wasn’t, and then he would own it. Unless he still expected to be right all along, which he probably was.
‘Grant did not step out of the mundane box. Growing up, he was the pickiest eater you’ve ever seen. He not only didn’t like peanut butter and jelly, he didn’t like jelly and butter, and he made mom pick the crusts off. I think what would attract him would be wanting to impress girls.
“Growing up in our little ranch house in Mission, we had a steady diet of baseball, soccer, basketball, tennis, golf, and the Olympics on TV, but also, given the times, Battle of the Network Stars and Wide World of Sports Howard Cosell, Diana Nyad, Phyllis George, Donna de Varona.
‘And, locally, our beloved KC institutions, Len Dawson and Karen Kornacki. Dear Karen Kornacki, our mother made sure we understood how important it is for women to be better represented in sports media.
‘Our mother, a Kansas City native and native of Independence, started out as a physical education teacher and became a counselor. She met our dad at Washington High School in KCK, where dad taught US government, sociology, and civics for 29 years. Mom chose to stay home to raise us, which even then was a financial hardship.
‘Grant and I didn’t know we were relatively poor. We were surrounded by love, family, neighbors, and fellow teachers from mom and dad—families from India, Mexico, the Philippines, and beyond. We ate ketchup and bologna sandwiches, Chef Boyardee box pizzas, and 7-Up was medicine. When we got a Commodore computer 64 years later, our first game was based on the Olympics, and we spent hours representing different countries in ski jumping, hurdles, running, and speed skating.
‘When the ERA didn’t pass, we were already aware of feminist goals and efforts thanks to our parents. Mom would regularly share each new issue of Ms. Magazine with us, and we would sit with her as she explained the “No Comments” section in the back that displays sexist advertising.
“We watched the few women’s sports that television had to offer at the time, mainly golf and tennis. I think Grant saw early on how our parents cheered on our television at sporting events and then our family members and neighbors cheered as well, and the sense of euphoria swept over him.
“Our grandfather Smith had friends within the Royals organization, specifically Al Zeke, and when we were able to get tickets, the roar of the crowd was like nothing Grant had ever experienced.
“As we got older, Grant saw my discomfort in my teens and early 20s when I came to terms with being gay. I knew about the bullying and physical abuse I had received and its effects on my psyche. He listened, he loved, he supported without question. And I felt so lucky.
‘He cheered me on during graduate school graduations at ESU and the University of Idaho. I organized Thanksgiving in my Moscow apartment one year for all of us. He and I had regular conversations about everything in our lives and our minds. We cried and laughed together until the week he left us. And it was Dr. Celine Gounder’s entry into Grant’s life, and into our lives, that made the biggest difference, the biggest improvement. Grant and Celine complemented each other in dynamic ways, and our families became something of a tight-knit organism.
‘Grant and Celine are the best of us. Grant’s sudden departure from our lives will leave a lasting void, but I know our families will find the right ways to honor his work, devotion, and beliefs going forward so that there is a legacy that can help others.
‘We see your good wishes and kind words. We have read their own moving stories. We are grateful. We also see the cruel comments. All I can say is that we are just people doing everything we can to grieve in circumstances that put us in a bind…
‘Grant knew my anxiety issues were a big reason I never wanted to be in the public spotlight, and the past week has been a media education for me. I’m sorry I didn’t do a better job. Thanks to Grant’s friends and colleagues who reached out. Thanks to the USMNT player who reached out.’