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The author, Chris Boutté.
Chris Boutté
Getting more money when I was struggling with mental health didn’t fix my problems.My path to happiness came when I started my recovery, not when I was making lots of money.I’m financially secure now, and I’m the happiest I’ve ever been, but those two facts aren’t related.
Like millions of Americans, I’ve lived paycheck to paycheck most of my life. Although I’m finally financially secure and actually have savings and investments, I grew up in the lower middle class, and being financially insecure fueled my depression. My depression led me to self-medicating with drugs and alcohol, and I thought that once I finally had money, everything would be alright. I was wrong.
More money didn’t solve my problems
Growing up, I lived with my dad. Neither he nor my mom were good with money. My mom was an alcoholic until I was about 20 years old, and I watched her spend recklessly for years. My dad worked extremely hard, but we never had much money.
After high school and a semester of college, I started working at a car dealership as a lot porter for minimum wage. I was a hard drinker and started using drugs, but I managed to be a hard worker as well. I started getting regular raises, and eventually, I was promoted to the position of service advisor, where I had to potential to make six figures.
Every time I received a raise or a promotion, I thought that would be what would remedy my depression. Finally, I could afford a nice place to live and a car that didn’t break down all the time. But as I made more money, I just spent more money on drugs and alcohol, because it didn’t resolve any of the root mental health issues I was dealing with.
On paper, I had everything I wanted
Unfortunately, I didn’t have this epiphany until my son was born in 2008. He was born in the middle of the recession, and I lost my job within a month of him being born. Fortunately, I found a new job in Fresno, California, and I started making more money than I’d ever made in my life. We were able to take expensive vacations and lived in a really nice place.
On paper, I had everything I wanted. I had a relationship, an amazing newborn son, and enough money to not have to worry about anything, but I was still depressed.
It wasn’t until 2012 when I got sober and started working on myself that I realized that money was never going to make me happy. If I wanted to stay sober and manage my depression, I needed to change my relationship to money.
If money could cure my depression, I would have been better a long time ago. This makes sense, too. How many wealthy people do we know who are miserable?
Learning to be grateful in the present
What I learned was that I just was constantly comparing myself to others in an unhealthy way. This stemmed from a traumatic childhood and a lack of self-esteem, self-worth, and confidence.
Through 12-step programs and a lot of therapy, I learned to be happy and grateful for what I have in the present moment. I had to learn to stop comparing myself to others, because regardless of how much money I make or the stuff I have, there will always be someone who has more.
I was the happiest I’d ever been
When I became sober, I had to humble myself and live on the bare minimum because I lost everything. I lived with my mom for a year in California, and when I moved back to Las Vegas, I lived in a small apartment in a terrible part of town, and since I didn’t have a car anymore, I had to ride the bus to and from work three hours every day.
I had so little that my bedroom consisted of a mattress on the floor and a fold-out card table with a laptop on it. When I had my son for the weekends, I didn’t have money to do anything fun, so we would just hang out all weekend watching cartoons.
Although I didn’t have much, I was the happiest I’d ever been. I was no longer drinking or using drugs, and I was actually able to have my son in my life. What more did I need?
My happiness now isn’t about having money
Over time, I started making more money, and today, I have more money and things than I had before, but none of that matters. I know that I could lose it all today, and I’d still be fine. I realize now that money and things are wants and not needs. The only things I need in my life today are my mental health, my sobriety and the health of my loved ones like my son and girlfriend. Anything else is a bonus.
I recently read “Deaths of Despair” by economist Anne Case and Nobel Prize winner Angus Deaton. In the book, they discuss how financial insecurity and capitalism are the primary reasons for all of the depression and addiction we see in the United States. Since I lived it, I definitely agree with them, but changing my relationship to money has made me realize there’s more going on.
I’m grateful for everything I’ve been through, because it taught me that I don’t need money to be happy. While we all need to have our basic needs met, my experience has taught me that if we can learn to be happy with less, it can put us in a better position to succeed and find a much more fulfilling life.