DEAR JANE: I won $1 million in the lottery and took my family on a five-star vacation to celebrate – they called me SELFISH because I didn’t give them all CASH

Dear Jane,

I was lucky enough to win a significant amount of money in the lottery a few months ago: just over a million dollars.

Unfortunately, in today’s world, that’s not enough to allow me to retire early, but it’s enough to make me feel confident that I won’t find myself falling on hard times.

I tried to keep the victory as quiet as possible, having heard all sorts of horror stories about previous winners suddenly finding old high school acquaintances reaching out for a handout, but I told my immediate family. .

I also wanted to share the wealth, so to speak, with my loved ones, so I planned a luxury vacation to the Bahamas for the 13 of us, with flights and a villa that I booked and paid for with my earnings.

The trip was incredible, but towards the end, I started to feel like some members of my family were expecting… more? They kept asking me if I had “big surprises” planned for the end of the trip, or if I was planning to do something “over the top” to close out the vacation.

I treated them all to a nice dinner, but I felt like I’d done more than my part by paying for the vacation in the first place.

When we returned home, I received an email from my aunt, which I thought would be a thank you message, but instead she revealed that she and several members of my family were “upset” that I hadn’t shared the winnings with them. in a more “generous” way, essentially suggesting that she should have given them all cash.

Then my brother called me and told me that he thought it was pretty “selfish” that I had thrown my new money in their faces on this trip and that it wouldn’t have been better for me to just give them all the money, so they would do it. I don’t have to feel “guilty” for being on a trip I was paying for.

He also mentioned that several of them had been sharing similar complaints while we were away because they had been “waiting” for me to give them cash to end the vacation.

I’m really mad, I mean I spent tens of thousands of dollars taking them on vacation and that wasn’t enough? Part of me wants to eliminate them all forever with a bird’s eye movement, but then this feeling of guilt takes over and I start to think that maybe they were right.

Should I send them cash in the mail for Christmas and get it over with?

Of,

Beware of wealth

Dear cautious of wealth,

My mother always said a phrase that immediately came to mind when reading your letter: no good deed goes unpunished.

I completely understand why you are angry. You did something wonderful for your family, and instead of being grateful for an unexpected gift, they want more, which doesn’t say anything particularly good about them.

Be wary of wealth, you are not obliged to share your money with anyone. Imagine if one of your family members received an unexpected bonus at work. Would the rest of you demand his share? I do not think so.

You have a windfall and it is yours, fairly and equitably. Good Lord, people are their own worst enemies, aren’t they? Despite that, you should know that money does strange things to people, and often reveals the worst in them.

You certainly don’t owe your family anything else.

If you let them take advantage of your feelings of guilt, you’ll end up wasting everything and, frankly, there’s nothing to feel guilty about. You’ve already done your bit.

If they continue asking you for money, tell them you’ve put it in a trust (which is a great idea).

You have all enjoyed a luxury vacation. Don’t make the mistake of living like a drunk millionaire or you’ll be back to square one. Get yourself a financial advisor who can tell you the best way to protect that money so it doesn’t slip through your fingers, or those of your family, like sand.

Dear Jane,

I’m a twenty-something lesbian with a relatively large following on social media. Most of my content focuses on sexuality and homosexuality, so I think it’s safe to say that it plays a pretty big role in my life.

But a while ago, at a meeting, I met a guy who works as a video editor. He knew who I was and he thought my content was great, and he even offered to help me with some projects, which I happily accepted since we seemed to get along well.

We exchanged contact information, began talking frequently over the next few weeks, and quickly became good friends.

He’s a naturally flirtatious and charming guy, which I found quite sweet at first, but over time I started to become much more interested in him than I ever thought I could.

He seemed to share my feelings and eventually, after meeting at his house one day to work on some things together, we ended up sleeping together.

Now I’m not sure what to do…he’s a wonderful guy and I’m really interested in him, and he’s interested in me too, but being a lesbian is such a big part of who I am, as well as my job, so I’m not sure how the possibility of having a relationship with a man would affect all that.

Any advice would be appreciated!

Of,

Social media disorder

Dear social media disaster,

If sexuality is a continuum, as most people seem to agree, then some fluidity is to be expected.

Of course, there are many people who fall firmly on either extreme, straight or gay, but many more people fall somewhere between the shades of gray.

They may be primarily attracted to a particular type, whether male or female, and then, as you are discovering, be surprised.

I understand this is more challenging given that you make your living as a public lesbian, but the message of being open, of bravely finding yourself in a situation you never expected, of how to resolve that and the challenges it brings, is important.

I suspect being honest about this will resonate with many. For many people, sexuality is fluid. What attracts audiences, whether on social media, in books, or in movies, is the truth.

People gravitate toward authenticity and truth, and while you don’t owe your followers anything, it’s important to be honest about the change, how you feel about it, and the issues that arise.

I urge you to take your followers with you on the journey, remembering that what matters is not who you love, but that you love. I wish you luck.